Bubbli's Blog: hating myself as we speak

Ok so for starters, my dumbass didn't do any homework yesterday even though I said I would, and didn't reply to my groupmate's text at all because of said work not getting done.

My therapist told me that me starting to blog again would be a good coping skill for me to try again since it worked in the past, so here we go again? It's been quite a long time since I've actually blogged (high school probably) but I'm going to make a real effort to keep my blog consistent and active this time!

I feel like it's better than social media sites because it's not only funner but there won't be any parents monitoring my every post/move/etc on social media because they won't know it's me unless I explicitly doxx myself

I may or may not upload pictures of myself here because of this reason (odds would be pretty low but not sure if it would be a great idea in terms of risk, but it's not like anyone thinks of blogger when it comes to finding people's social media sooo..)

I probably will post other pictures of my life such as fun adventures and things like that! I think I will just use this as a replacement for social media because honestly I feel restricted on what I feel I can post because of my mom following me on social media and she's made comments in the past about things I've posted before (that weren't even anywhere near X-rated mind you!!).

Yes, I was a young teenager, but no I don't want to risk posting anything my mom deems "too out of social norms" onto my personal social media (which includes LGBTQ+ content on my Instagram stories, not because she's a homophobe because she supports that I'm bi)but the last time I did that, she said that people will think me posting about this stuff will make people think I'm a lesbian and think it is a subtle way of me "coming out".

Also I don't get what her fixation is with me doing certain things and me "looking like a lesbian". The first time this happened before I came out, I posted a picture with my best friend (EVERYONE that followed me knew that we were friends) hugging at a rave and didn't specify explicitly that we were besties but my mom told me that I should rewrite my caption and specify somehow that we were best friends or else people would think I'm a lesbian. My heart sunk for some reason out of anger that she would assume that (just don't like her making judgements about things) so I just added the #besties on it or whatever. Ever since then, I've been hyper self-conscious of making sure I don't just add a emoji on every post I make with a female friend and make sure that I always specify in some ways that we're friends only.

The second time she insinuated that I looked like a lesbian was when we were sitting and talking one day and she told me honestly that she liked my old haircut better than the shag I have now because the shag looks kind of "masculine" and it makes her think of a certain friend of hers (which may or may not be queer/gay but I don't know for sure. Anyways, I just don't want to risk posting any kind of personal opinion on my social media anymore so I've decided to not post on there as often and just keep that for major life updates or hanging out with buds to keep a sense of mystery and to not risk getting judged by her again.

back on topic ...

To add to this whopper, I also fell asleep for the night when my intention was to "just take a little nap" when I pulled an all-nighter the night before and stayed up all day. I was thinking of napping just to pass the time before my doordash order got here, but I ended up sleeping for the entire night and now it's 5 in the morning...

now I get to eat soggy mcdonald's and hope it's good lol

I'm thinking of powering through for 5 or so hours and getting all the important stuff that I didn't do last night first and then getting to my other project (which my presentation is in 2 days mind you!!)