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Wednesday, September 6, 2023

struggling to eat but I have to fix it

I have been struggling to eat consistent and nutritious meals for almost a month now and I can feel it start to affect my health. I am fatigued, depressed, and just want to lay in my bed all day, probably out of malnourishment. I don't know how this started, but I know it's starting to become a bigger problem than I'd like to admit to myself.



I've been struggling with managing my ED (likely ARFID) because I just haven't been in the mood to eat for the past few weeks. and it's just snowballed from there. All I want to eat these days is Reece's Peanut Butter Cups, M&M's, Chicken and rice, cereal and chicken nuggets, fries and ranch. Now that I think about it, I don't think I've been making an effort to eat enough protein or fruits and veggies for weeks. 

I'm stuck in this vicious cycle of not feeling like eating because nothing sounds appetizingimage losing energy from not eating wellimageresulting depression and lack of motivationimage can't get motivated or have the energy to make myself a decent meal image eating minisule amounts of food with no nutritional value and I have no clue where to even start with snapping out of it and taking care of myself. As a result, I'm now finding it difficult to get the basic mental energy to do basic chores and things I need to do which is stressing me out and contributing to this cycle.

I know I need to improve this for my own health because my mom is starting to become concerned about my eating habits and my health, and told me that she's noticing that I haven't been eating well nutritionally for some time now. She says that the reason that I may be more depressed and lacking motivation might be because of my lack of nutrition resulting from my diet, and I think she may be onto something. 

I do admit that I don't eat NEARLY the amount of fruits, vegetables, or protein that I need, or even eat enough, and that I don't prioritize planning for meals enough, which I'm sure is contributing to this vicious cycle I'm stuck in. I MAYBE eat 1-2 servings of fruit a day, no vegetables for days on end, and can't remember the last time I ate a protein source outside of peanut butter and fried chicken. I know that eating only candy and fast food is totally not sustainable, and I can already feel the negative effects it's having on my energy levels and mental health.

I need to start looking into simple recipes I can make quickly that will give me enough nutrition when I don't feel up to eating, which seems like has been sticking around for a while, and quite frankly, I need to start making it priority #1 before things get any worse.

It's really unfortunate that I'm having an ED relapse, but at this point, it's my responsibility to start prioritizing my recovery again and put more effort into eating healthily again. I'm going to start looking for recipes a few minutes a day and try making one of them once a week. I'm also going to make a point to start eating vegetables with my meals at least twice a week and see if these things help.

I'm starting to think maybe something like protein shakes and yogurt would be a good idea because they're extremely easy to prepare and make, and it will be something that I can eat quickly. I'm going to start these changes tomorrow before my relapse can get any worse.




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